At The Movies with My Brothers (Never Again)
Hello, and Welcome to the Darkside...
Setting: A movie theater. MOI, brothers RYAN and TREVOR. There to see Prometheus. Scene takes place from trailers to us walking out. (Please note ALL the sentiments uttered were loud enough for the entire theater to hear like at a football game originating from my brother Ryan unless otherwise indicated.)
During the Total Recall trailer:
"If they don't have the chick with the three boobs, I'll demand my money back! It's like having Rocky without Rocky.
During Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter trailer:
[whoots] "Abe Lincoln is DOING IT! YEAH!" [whoot]
"So the Scientologists were right, we do come from aliens. HAIL XENU! [whoot]
"I was promised naked Charlize Theron push-ups! WHERE ARE MY NAKED PUSH-UPS?"
"I wonder if [Michael Fassbender] is anatomically correct? Didn't you say he was packing a sea monster in there, Jen? Jen? You saw his schlong right, Jen?"
RYAN: "SHIT! That squid baby has six vaginias!"
TREVOR: "Who cares? It doesn't have three boobs."
As we're walking out:
RYAN: Hey Jen, which would you rather? Be a vampire or have a Fassbender robot butler?"
MOI: I'd never want to be a vampire. That's like asking if I'd like to eat shit or...[drawing blank]
TREVOR: Own an anatomically correct Fassbender robot butler who releases the Kracken?
BOTH: Cracking up all the way to the car
MOI: I hate you both.
And this is why I go to the movies alone.
Until next time, this is the mortified Jennifer Harlow signing out from the Darkside...
Like you wouldn't want one too.
Song of the Week: "Ain't She Sweet" by The Beatles
I'm reading: Afterwards by Rosmund Lupton **